Words from a poets heart: Thoughts on this poem I wrote?

Words from a poets heart: Thoughts on this poem I wrote?

Title Words From A Poets Heart A twirl of hair drapes across her tender face The gentle winds are whispering A swirl of clouds linger like her silky lace My eyes are hardly stirring A thought is still in the shadows of my room The dream has not been too right I read the letters in the yellow light of noon And at the stroke of midnight Do I appear to speak in poems while always manifesting Have I been clear in every word Ive ever said Or has the fog been growing Do I remember or forget the songs she sang with love I only stare into the ground and up above Where stars like eyes are twinkling A spark of fire seems to light the road of pain Leaps with no cry or warning A park where green grass is growing just the same Is where I find the morning Her soul is waiting in the silence of the rain Yet thunder roars in anger I scream in fear for every hope without a name Becomes the rising danger Do I reflect a radiant light or am I coloured black I only know the crimson color of her eyes And violet dresses full back Do I regret or feel no shame in what Ive always known I let my face drop to the ground while all alone I weep against the coat rack A voice confuses me within the dreary night It says that I am humble But no one could love a man who begs his right To live in worlds that crumble She looks into the face of something that I am And wonders if she knows me I see that twirl of hair between her folded hands She prays on bended knee Could I know deep within my heart that she has seen the truth I think I know from swirling like the violet clouds Im simple and uncouth Do I move on or do I stay in garden walls around me Her song continues to be played so silently Im back in days of youth Will I be stillened by her mellow song again Or was last night the end

Asked by Adam Chambers blush 3 about Poetry

It is perfect until I reached that last two what is stillened. Man you totally ruined it with that chit.

Answered by yahoo

So I would recommend you read some contemporary poetry then give it another shot. Im not going to lie I only read about 2 full stanzas of it then skimmed the rest. But each stanza seems to say just about same thing or at least theres enough redundancy to not need to know the whole thing. It is also a cliche etc. of course. But you already knew that. Im not a big proponent of rhyme but if you are going to use it I recommend using it throughout. Sometimes the rhyme just seems to disappear inexplicably here. One good thing youre doing is using some images. You can build on that and perhaps use more tactile and precise imagery. Youll also want to start using some similes/metaphors. Heres a poem by Derek Walcott to get you started called Fist: The fist clenched round my heart loosens a little and I gasp brightness but it tightens again. When have I ever not loved the pain of love? But this has moved past love to mania. This has the strong clench of the madman this is gripping the ledge of unreason before plunging howling into the abyss. Hold hard then heart. This way at least you live.

Answered by ron.johnson81

Who is the poet you speak of and why did you steal things from his/her heart? Youre a bad man.

Answered by Mr David Blaine

oh my goodness. adam i love this poem and its totally going on my myspace. i feel like this is your best on yet i really like it hunn.. you are a wonderful poet and you really do use your gift from god.

Answered by Chelsea Rain